"Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

"When you pass through the waters,  I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. 
When you walk through the fire, 
you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east 
and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:2,5

I found these beautiful flowers anonymously placed on my doorstep this morning.  Those closest to me, know the state of my heart right now. Behind my Pollyanna persona, I am completely undone.  I don't know if I have ever shed more tears in my life than I have this week. My eyes hurt. I am broken and weary. I am confused and angry. I am torn into pieces and exhausted.  I need my child safely home.  I need to know that SOMONE somewhere is tirelessly advocating for him.  I fear that we will celebrate yet another Thanksgiving & Christmas season without him in our arms. Fortunately our God is HUGE and I believe he can handle my questions, my anger, my fear and my honest heart. He knows when His children are about to break, even before we do. He knows when to send a significant friend, a good word of support, an encouraging song on the radio or a bouquet of anonymous flowers sent on behalf of my missing child.  I debated sharing the raw state of my heart on this blog, but I believe that through this heartache, others may be touched or encouraged by just knowing that there are others who hurt, question, breakdown, ask "why have I been forsaken?" and yet still believe that He is good...always! Our God can handle anything we can throw at Him and He uses "ALL things to work for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose"...even our heartache (Romans 8:28).   He is good, He is real, He is love. Even when we endure pain so intense we think it will do us in, He holds each tear in His hands and carries us through the pain. I am learning how to cling hope and believe in His promises, "for faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"  Hebrews 11:1